


6000 year courtship

by Willowisp



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gabriel is awkward, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Other, Sandalpon has second hand embaressment, aziraphale is oblivious, uriel and sandalphon are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19426777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowisp/pseuds/Willowisp
Summary: Gabriel has been courting Aziraphale for 6000 years now, and it's time he take it to the next stage. He just needs Sandalphon to chaperon for him.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a silly idea I had. And some more practice, honestly. 3 years of no writing has made me rusty.

“Sandalphon.” Gabriel greeted as he bounded up the winding staircase of the fourth upper level of accounting. Heaven didn't really need an accounting department, but the idea of an accounting department was wacky. Plus it allowed for them to have casual Fridays.

“Gabriel. What do I owe the pleasure of you jogging all the way over here to see me?” The short, round man was descending the stairs, no doubt going to lunch. Lunch was something Gabriel did not understand, but Sandalphon needed the hour alone.

“I need a favor.”

“Oh?” No lunch today.

“I need you to come with me to check on Aziraphale today.”

Sandalphon's face fell, “Why?”

Gabriel rubbed his hands together, searching for the right words, “Well... it's been over 6000 years. And with the war starting soon, I felt like maybe it's time I stop beating around the bush. I should officially conclude this courtship.”

“And you want me to chaperon?” Sandalphon walked past Gabriel and descended down the stairs, “Why him?”

“We've been working together for... well a pretty decent amount of time. 6000 years. Why not? He'll be coming home soon anyway.”

Sandalphon didn't want to say it. It would be rude. But he certainly thought it, _6000 years is ridiculous! It takes at least 10,000 before you start hand holding!_

“I do beg your pardon, but I wasn't even aware that you were courting him.”

Gabriel laughed, “Of course I have! I visit him at least once a century. And I only recently commented on his weird fascination with consuming 'food.' Why would he even do such a thing? I kept quiet about it for a long time!”

_That's not how court someone._ Sandalphon could feel his eye twitch. _And what's wrong with food._

“And I entertain that idea of a little book shop he has. It's quite cute, such a shame it'll be gone. But it's best he give up on silly human tendencies.”

“I see...” Sandalphon and Gabriel had reached a clear, glass elevator, “To the lobby.”

“Yes.”

Sandalphon pressed the lobby button and wished he had stayed in his office, “So we're going now?”

“Absolutely!” Gabriel clapped Sandalphon on the back. Good Lord, did he work out to much. Sandalphon could feel a bruise begging to form.

Aziraphale's book shop was open, which was odd. But a customer caught him right when he got back from lunch, so it would be rude not to open. He was very glad he did though when he saw Gabriel and Sandalphon come sauntering in.

_Oh, not now please!_ Aziraphale immediately put on his busy worker face being caught by his boss, “Good evening, gentlemen.”

“Evening!” Gabriel responded, smiling widely, he didn't know what to say. There were far too many humans around, so he picked up a book. “I would like to purchase one of your... material objects here.”

Sandalphon went through fifty different emotions, but his face settled on _Oh my God_. This was going exactly how he thought it would, “...books?” He suggested.

“Books! Yes! I would like to purchase one of your books.” He gave the book in his hand a quick glance, “Perhaps we could discuss my purchase in a private place because I am buying...”

Sandalphon could feel Gabriel reaching out for him with his wing, in desperate need of help. He didn't want to be here, this was his best chance to have a good laugh about later, “Pornography.”

“Pornography!” Gabriel echoed.

Aziraphale looked between the two of them, _Idiots,_ “Yes, um, perhaps you let me show you to the back.”

Taking the two into the back didn't help his situation any. Gabriel was being exceptionally awkward today, he usually was, but today was in abundance. The man couldn't even remember what a book was, and they had books in Heaven. They surely did if they had _The Sound of Music._ Gabriel seemed the sort that didn't read much anyway.

“Humans are so simple!” Gabriel cheered as he slammed the book down on a cluttered table, “Aziraphale! You remember Sandalphon don't you?”

Aziraphale looked back at the shorter angel, “Of course, Sodom and Gomorrah. You were doing a lot of smiting and turning people into salt. Hard to forget.”

Sandalphon smiled sympathetically, _This poor idiot doesn't realize does he._

The conversation soon trickled into talks of the anti-Christ and the four horsemen. Sandalphon could tell Aziraphale was distraught in some way. He wasn't sure why though, maybe he did know Gabriel was courting him, and maybe he was going to fast for him. This was incredibly fast by angelic standards. Bringing a chaperon along was practically a marriage proposal. Angels don't really get married though. They just attend formal functions together and maybe see one another on a monthly basis. That was in their corporal forms though. Their celestial bodies would move closer together amongst the stars, so they would be together a lot. It was a super big deal. Sandalphon believed humans called them constellations.

Never mind all that though, Gabriel was blowing this. Sandalphon could feel the tension building. Aziraphale was obviously not ready for this stage of heavy courting. And all this talk of war and War, certainly wasn't the way to convince someone to form a constellation with you. Sandalphon really hoped that is what they were called. He would have to ask Uriel about it later.

“Well we best be off,” Gabriel rounded a still troubled-looking Aziraphale, “Thank you for my pronography!” He shouted towards the front before giving Aziraphale a playful shrug.

Recorded. Memorized. Archived. Sandalphon would replay that scene later when he saw Uriel, and they would both have a hearty giggle over it. Suddenly all that awkwardness was worth it for this one moment.

On their way back to home office, Sandalphon kept quiet. _Does he realize how poorly that went?_ Sandalphon had never seen Gabriel so nervous before. He really was serious about Aziraphale. Sandalphon didn't know Gabriel could be so nice to someone. Nice by Gabriel's standards.

“That went well!” Gabriel clapped as they approached the escalator to Heaven, “At least two more visits and I'll have this in the bag.”

“Oh... right. That was perfect. He was mesmerized by you.” _That was the worst thing I've ever been witness to. And I've seen the way Uriel dresses on casual Friday._

Uriel was quite fond of button-up rompers. She said they were comfortable, Sandalphon said they were ugly. He was her best friend, so he could say that. Nobody else could though.

“But I best be quick about it. Armageddon and all. No time to waste.”

Entering the lobby, the two were greeted by Uriel, “Sandalphon, where have you been? I got you a smoothie but I couldn't find you.”

Sandalphon gave her a wide-eyed stare, “I'll tell you about later.”

She raised her eyebrows and looked over to a smiling Gabriel, giving her a little wave. She nodded to Sandalphon, “Later.”

Friday came. Sandalphon and Uriel had already had their giggle over the pornography incident. It was an adequate five seconds of laughter.

But now it was casual Friday, and Uriel was wearing a plaid button-up romper, “Sandalphon. Do you think they'll let me wear a romper to the wedding?”

Sandalphon wondered if Gabriel needed a chaperon for the day.


	2. The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uriel and Sandalphon suspect Aziraphale is up to no good.

Greasy fries. Children crying. Drinks spilling.

This was not the “alone time” lunch Sandalphon had planned on. But it was Casual Friday, and no fancy restaurant was going to let him and Uriel in, with him wearing a floral shirt and her, a blue, plaid romper. Fast food would have to do.

“Do you think Gabriel was serious?” Uriel questioned as she sucked down an orange cream shake, “Or was he messing with you?”

“Disgustingly so.” Sandalphon exasperated.

Sandalphon always had “alone time” lunch, but to him “alone time” meant Uriel and himself. The two didn't work together often, but with Armageddon approaching, he found that all the archangels were spending more time together. Gabriel and Micheal were prepared for the upcoming war. They looked forward to it. Uriel and Sandalphon though... well they would rather secretly sneak out to eat greasy fries and tacos.

“I feel bad for Aziraphale. Gabriel is so overbearing, like a father on vacation with his four children.” Uriel sat staring out the finger-smudged window, “Did you see his face yesterday when he saw me with that smoothie? I thought he was going to ground us.”

Sandalphon chuckled, “I wouldn't put it past him.”

The two sat is contented silence as they listened to the families leave and the establishment became a quiet escape from the city. Once it was just the two of them and the few workers behind the counter, piano music became noticeable. It played softly over the wall speakers.

“Is that Bach?”

“Nah, it's Debussy.”

“Is that Aziraphale?”

“No, I said it's Debussy. Were you even liste-?”

“No! Over there idiot!” Uriel pointed out the grimy window at a couple walking down the street. White hair, old-ass fashion, bow-tie. Yep, it was Aziraphale.

“Shit! He's looking this way!” Sandalphon cursed and like they had practiced it 500 times, both Uriel and Sandalphon ducked under the table in-sync.

“What's he doing here?” Uriel's hand was in something sticky.

“I don't know, I don't keep up with his schedule.” Sandalphon looked at his phone, “Well, it is lunch time. Maybe he's getting food.”

Uriel peeked over the table to watch the angel, “Who is that with him?”

Sandalphon poked his nose out, “I don't know... probably just a human acquaintance.”

The man in question was a tall, thin, red-head sporting the darkest sunglasses any human had ever worn. Uriel pouted at the sight of him, “He looks familiar.”

“Never mind that!” Sandalphon ducked back down, “He can't see us in here. He'll tell Gabriel he saw us. And Gabriel will fuss about it throughout the entire war.”

Uriel groaned, “It's already hard enough pretending to be excited as it is.” Aziraphale and his companion were now making their way towards the little food joint, “Shit!shit!shit! We gotta leave!”

“But they'll see us!”

Uriel reached into her beach bag. Yes, she carried a beach bag on Fridays. One never knows when they may go to the beach in Hawaii for lunch on a Friday.

“I got an idea,” she whispered.

“I have another meeting with Gabriel today,” Aziraphale said in hushed tones as he and Crowley made their way into a Shake Shack. Aziraphale wouldn't touch the stuff, but Crowley wanted a milkshake, so he couldn't deny the old serpent.

“Didn't he just talk to you yesterday?” Crowley barely missed bumping into a rushed couple that were dressed as if they were going to Hawaii, “'Scuse us...”

“Pardon.” The woman in the cat-eye sunglasses replied as she and her partner quickly exited the building.

Crowley watched after them as they hurried down the street, “Odd couple.”

“Good Lord! That was close!” Sandalphon panted as he had Uriel rounded the street corner, “He almost saw us.”

Uriel adjusted her sunglasses thoughtfully, “That man he was with... do you think he's Aziraphale's... well you know?”

“No, I don't know.”

“I mean, do you think that Aziraphale might be going behind Gabriel's back?”

Sandalphon gasped so loud a nearby car's tire deflated, “With a human! How could he!?”

“Shhh!! Not so loud!” Uriel gazed around their surroundings, as if she was looking for Gabriel, “I could be wrong. Maybe he's just a friend. But didn't you notice that body-block back there?”

“What you mean?”

“He put himself between us and Aziraphale, so that we wouldn't bump into him. That's over-protective boyfriend basics.” One of Uriel's deep dark secrets was that she read trashy romance novels, and she enjoyed watching romance movies. _The Princess Bride_ was her favorite movie. Or that's what she told people, it was really _50 shades of Grey_. Needless to say, she was very good at reading body language.

“I'm willing to bet money, they're sleeping together.” Uriel looked down at Sandalphon over her sunglasses, “We need to do some investigating.”

“But I have to go to a meeting with Gabriel later. We're meeting Aziraphale at St. James Park.... in an hour.” Sandalphon pulled out his cellphone and showed Uriel the screen.

“Don't worry, I got this.”

Ducks. Check.

Water. Check.

Bread Crumbs. Check.

He had everything he needed for a successful second-to-final date in this incredibly complicated courtship. Well, almost everything.

“Where the hell is Aziraphale?” Gabriel anxiously checked his wristwatch.

“Should be along any minute now.” Sandalphon stood behind Gabriel, tapping away at his phone.

**Where are you?-S**

**Paddle boat.-U**

And there she was, sitting in a paddle boat shaped like a swan. Her sunglasses still firmly planted on her face. She was slouching against the back of the boat, bag of bread in her lap, and a giant slushy in her hands. Ducks swam after her drifting boat. _God, she looks so cool._ _Pity about the romper though._

“Aziraphale.” Gabriel greeted the shorter angel. Sandalphon hadn't even noticed him, he was too busy being impressed by Uriel.

“So sorry I'm late Gabriel. I got... held up.” Aziraphale looked like he ran all the way from the Shake Shack. He probably did. “Oh, hello Sandalphon.”

“Hi.” Sandalphon gave him a little wave that almost looked like it turned into a middle finger at the end.

Aziraphale smiled and gave a nervous wave in return, “Right... so about the anti-christ.”

“What about him?” Gabriel sounded disinterested, “Something happen to him?”

“No,” Aziraphale returned, “it's just I thought that's what this meeting was about. Oh, thank you...” Gabriel handed Aziraphale the bag of bread crumbs.

“A little birdy told me you like to feed the ducks.” Gabriel grinned, “Let's walk.”

**OMG He's here!-U**

**Dafuq!?-S**

Sandalphon pretended to be take a selfie as he used his phone to see around the park. There he was. The red-head. He was slouched against the side of a black Bentley just outside the park. It sat in a “no parking” zone.

**Do you think he drove him here?-S**

**Defs did! They probs made out in the car before too! That's why Zirabro is late!-U**

Uriel had such an odd way of talking whenever she texted. If you read her texts and then met her, you would believe she was a different person.

**With tongue!-U**

**Please stop.-S**

“What do you think about lace curtains?” Gabriel questioned the confused Aziraphale.

“I suppose they're nice... what does this have to do with the Apocalypse?” Aziraphale looked back at Sandalphon. This time he was definitely giving him the middle finger. What he did to piss him off so much, was beyond Aziraphale.

“Well, it's for after the Apocalypse. For the kitchen particularly. Now I don't disrespect my body with gross waste, but I quite like the idea of a kitchen. Cozy morning-talks and bright sunlight.”

“Yes... sunlight is nice. I helped with that one you know.” Aziraphale had no idea what was going on.

“Did you?” Gabriel sounded oddly fascinated, “I had no idea.” Yes he did.

“Is this kitchen for upper management?”

Gabriel laughed loudly and clapped Aziraphale on his back, “Of course not, Silly. It's for our suite.”

“I see.” Aziraphale disregarded the “our” surely he was referring to himself and Micheal. The two had always been together in the old days, surely they were an item by now.

“Well, lace would look lovely then. It's very inviting.” Aziraphale could feel Sandalphon glaring at him. It was unsettling. Like a dog, staring at your sandwich.

“Lace it is then!” Gabriel clapped his hands together, “Oh, look at the time. I have to get back to the office, but, hey, are you free tonight?”

What in the actual Hell? Gabriel was never friendly, especially not to his subordinates, “I believe I am... I could move things if I have too.”

“Great! I'll pick you up at seven. Wear something nice.” Gabriel nodded to Sandalphon, and Sandalphon gave him a congratulatory thumbs up and cheeky grin.

The two disappeared without another word, leaving Aziraphale alone, holding a bag of bread crumbs, “What the hell?” Aziraphale emptied the entire bag into the lake, causing a swarm of ducks to swim over. Uriel was nearly knocked out of her paddle boat at the sudden shift in the water.

“Nice talk?” Crowley asked as he felt Aziraphale sit down next to him, “Uh-oh. What's up?” He could feel the disdain radiate off of Aziraphale.

“He wants me to accompany him tonight.” Aziraphale replied.

“Where to!?” Crowley had already had plans for he and Aziraphale that night, hopefully those plans involved getting the hell off this planet, and maybe pizza.

“I don't know. Oh, Heavens, I hope it has nothing to do with Armageddon.” Aziraphale sighed. Gabriel wasn't his favorite person, and lately he had been popping up everywhere. It ruined Aziraphale's good mood.

Crowley patted Aziraphale's knee,affectionately, “Don't worry, Angel. Just call me if he gets weird, and I'll come pick you up.”

“Thanks.”

In a paddle boat, not fifteen feet away, sat Uriel, snapping pictures with an over-priced camera. “Gotcha!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked the idea of Casual Friday so much, I drew a little doodle for it. You can see it on my blog too https://efyri.tumblr.com/


	3. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uriel, Micheal, and Sandalphon confront Aziraphale.

It was the night before the apocalypse and he was sitting in an empty theater with no one but Gabriel and himself. And he was pretty sure Sandalphon and Uriel were in the furthest seat from them. It was the night before the end of the world and he was watching _The Sound of Music._

Aziraphale hated _The Sound of Music._ But this was undoubtedly Gabriel's favorite movie. When he asked Gabriel why they were there, he simply told him it would be their last chance to see it on Earth. And well, Aziraphale couldn't argue with that.

How he wished to burn that movie reel.

But he wasn't the only one who didn't like _The Sound of Music._

“I fucking hate this movie.” Uriel chewed a plastic straw as she leaned back in her seat, “It's so looonnggg! I wanna la-de-o-del-die!”

Sandalphon on the other hand quite liked _The Sound of Music._ In his opinion it was the only good movie humans had ever made. And he'd seen a lot of movies, Uriel always dragged him along to the cinema.

He held in his arms the largest bucket of unending popcorn that anyone had ever seen, “It's a classic,” he stated in-between shoveling popcorn into his mouth. Miraculously, this popcorn didn't leave one with greasy fingers afterwards.

“It's three hours long.”

“So is _Lord of the Rings.”_

“Yeah, but that movie doesn't suck ass.”

Sandalphon grumbled as Uriel grabbed a handful of popcorn, dropping half in Sandalphon's lap, “Really?”

She ignored him, “You think he's crying?”

“Gabriel?”

“Yeah.”

“I doubt it.” But he was. Gabriel was a huge softy when it came to musicals. He had been to see _The Phantom of the Opera_ at least three hundred times. He'd also had a strange obsession with _Wicked_. This was a secret kept from the other angels though. He always wore a disguise whenever he sneaked out to go see it.

“So,” Uriel whispered, looking over her shoulder, “How should we tell him?”

“Let's not!” Sandalphon shoved a fistful of popcorn in his mouth as he gazed back at Aziraphale, “Let's just talk to Aziraphale about it. Maybe it's a misunderstanding.”

“But he touched his knee!” Uriel kicked her leg over the chair in front of her, “I saw it. I have pictures to prove it. And guess what! I started digging and I found more pictures.” She pulled out a set of black and white photos, “Here's one of him with Abraham Lincoln! In the same park!”

Sandalphon snatched the photos before Gabriel caught what they were discussing. He looked over them hastily, “Who took these?”

“Yeah... um... I did. I think I was drunk in my paddle boat. I don't remember them, but I think I recall Abraham Lincoln giving me a side-eye. He wasn't fond of me singing the National Anthem to him.”

“Dumbass! That's not Lincoln. He's not tall enough.” Sandalphon shoved the picture back to her.

“Oh, shit. No wonder he didn't like my song.”

Sandalphon compared the photos. And it soon became apparent what was going on. Aziraphale had been wearing the same coat for over a hundred years. Oh, and the guy it the photo was the same as the red-head from the Shake Shack.

“Holy hell!” Uriel covered her mouth, “That left a bad taste in my mouth. But you're right! It's the same guy! Who is he though? What department is he from?” Uriel immediately assumed the man must be another angel from a department she rarely visited.

“He looks so familiar... I swear I know him.” Sandalphon pulled out his cellphone and snapped a quick picture of the red-head, “I'm gonna see if Micheal knows him.”

Micheal sat in her apartment, watching Bake Off and drinking straight vodka when her phone buzzed. It was a text from Sandalphon, which contained a picture and a simple caption, “Who dis?”

She knew who it was immediately, she remembered every angel she had ever met, and also every demon. And she had met them all. But why would Sandalphon be asking her about Crowley.

She sent a simple and quick answer to Sandalphon, “Crowley, the demon.”

Both Uriel and Sandalphon gasped loudly but it was at a part in the movie where it was acceptable. They looked back at Aziraphale, he looked bored, and it was no wonder. _The Sound of Music_ would be boring if you spent all your time consorting with a demon, “We gotta tell Gabriel.”

“I'm not doing it.” Uriel replied as she reached for more popcorn.

“How can you eat at a time like this? We just discovered an angel has been sneaking around with a demon.”

Uriel shrugged, “It's not like it's the first time. What about those two we found out were sharing a host? That was way more shocking than this.” Uriel pulled out a pair of 3D glasses and slid them over her eyes, “Still haven't found those two in nearly a century.”

“This is serious! Gabriel has a huge thing for that angel.” Sandalphon handed Uriel the bucket of popcorn and proceeded to stress, “What are we gonna do? If Gabriel finds out, he'll burn him in hellfire or something crazy like that.”

“We could ask Micheal for her help.” Uriel put a severe dent in the unending popcorn, “She might know how to handle this.”

Sandalphon scoffed and nearly fell over his own words, “She can't stand Aziraphale! She'll laugh her ass off.”

“Yeah, but I'm over this,” Uriel gestured to the big screen in front of them, “Let's get out of here.”

Micheal did know what to do, but only after she shook all of Heaven with her cackling. This was nothing Micheal hadn't seen before, she had seen many angels fall to demonic temptations, but those didn't usually involve going to the park. And Aziraphale hadn't fallen yet, so Crowley must be one very patient demon to be working him over this long.

Once she had stopped laughing like a cartoon witch, she addressed Uriel and Sandalphon, “There's only one thing to do. Well two options.”

“And?” Uriel raised her eyebrows.

“We either kick him out of the cool kids club and demote him to paperwork, or we execute him.” Micheal folded the pictures and pocketed them in her jacket, “Angels normally take the first option. But first we would have to do an investigation to assess the severity of this relationship. For all we know, Aziraphale could be trying convert the demon.”

“Is that possible?”

“Well it's never worked. But you remember that one that ran off with a demon? That's what he was trying to do, didn't work out though.” Micheal gestured for the two to follow her, “But... the war starts today. And I don't want to have to handle all that paperwork right now, so I have an idea.”

“Please tell me it's not telling Gabriel.” Sandalphon responded.

“No, better. We go find Aziraphale, and out him. Then, if we're lucky, Apocalypse goes as planned, and we all forget it ever happened.” Micheal reached the lobby to Earth with her two followers in tow.

“Sounds good.” Uriel replied, less paperwork the better. They wouldn't tell Gabriel, Aziraphale would stop seeing his demon, and they'd all be one big happy family.

Aziraphale felt like a bad friend. He and Crowley had a fight the night before, after Aziraphale was able to escape _The Sound of Music._ And he said some things he didn't mean to say to Crowley, for example, “I don't like you” and “We're over.” Now the only thing he could do was find Gabriel and see if he couldn't convince him to stop this whole Apocalypse.

Finding the archangel wasn't that hard. He always jogged in the St. James park very early, every morning. And just because the world ended today, didn't mean Gabriel wouldn't go jogging.

“Gabriel!” Aziraphale trotted after the archangel, “Gabriel! It's me.”

“I know it's you, Aziraphale.” Gabriel continued jogging along with Aziraphale struggling to keep up with his pace. Of course he would recognize Aziraphale's presence, they were engaged after all. It was quite clear at this point, after all, Aziraphale was chasing him down now.

“Yes. Look Armageddon is coming, and I'm fairly certain it starts today! Just after tea-time to be precise.”

“Exactly, right on time. What's your point?”

“Oh, would you please stop!” Aziraphale stopped running and grabbed his knees to brace himself. He was too old to be running around a park, at least his corporeal body was. He'd had this one since the beginning, unlike Gabriel who checked out a new one every century. Aziraphale could still vaguely remember when Gabriel would show up as a little girl that insisted on holding his hand whenever they were in public. She was so creepy, Aziraphale could never refuse.

Gabriel stopped his pace and looked down at Aziraphale, he gave him an exhausted, expecting stare. A stare that you give your friend when they've had one too many drinks, “Well?”

“I just thought there was something we could do.”

“There is. We can fight! And we can win!” Obviously. What else were the suppose to do?

“But there doesn't have to be a war.” Aziraphale was still finding his breathe.

“Of course there does! How else would we win it?” Gabriel replied, giving him the best patient husband face he could muster. Like they were in the 1950s and Aziraphale had just tried to explain to Gabriel how one changes a tire.

Aziraphale gave him a pleading gaze, “Look,” Gabriel started, “Wrap up whatever you have to down here and report back to service.” He looked down at Aziraphale's waist,”Oh, and lose the gut.” By this he meant it was time to get rid of that old body, and get a better one. One that had better stamina and could knock a demon on his ass. It was common practice to comment on your partner's appearance, right?

“See ya.” Gabriel patted Aziraphale on both his shoulders, “Bring your flaming sword!”

Aziraphale watched as Gabriel jogged off towards the same pavilion he and Crowley had just argued the night before. And he felt a pain in his soul, “But I'm soft...”

Uriel, Sandalphon, and Micheal waited outside Aziraphale's book shop, just across it actually. They got bored and decided to get pastries. Who knew the angel actually did things and didn't sit around his dusty book shop all day.

“I bet he's doing all sorts of indecent things with that demon, right now.” Uriel commented before shoving a crepe in her face.

“Don't be gross.” Sandalphon responded as he delicately cut his Galette, “How many of those have you had so far?”

“Lost count.”

“Hush, you two.” Micheal stood abruptly, “He's here.”

Across the street walked a very distressed Aziraphale, probably absorbed in his own guilt and shame. Uriel couldn't think of any reason why an angel would look like he just murdered a person. He was so wrapped up his thoughts he didn't notice the three archangels approach him.

“Hello, Aziraphale.” Micheal addressed him.

“Oh, Micheal... Uriel,” Aziraphale looked to Sandalphon, who looked like he wanted to punch him. He hesitated a second, “Sandalphon. Hello...um.”

“We've just been learning some disturbing things about you.” Micheal said as the three of them crowded Aziraphale against a shop window, “You've been a bit of a fallen angel haven't you?” She said this like a school teacher who just caught her student cheating on the mid-terms, “Consorting with the enemy.”

“Oh.. I.. I haven't been _consorting_.” Aziraphale smiled nervously.

“Don't think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in Hell. He's in trouble too.” Uriel stated flatly, causing Aziraphale to lose that lying smile. Well, he would be if Gabriel found out.

“Aziraphale,” Micheal calmly spoke, “it's time to choose sides.”

Aziraphale looked a bit lost, “I've actually been giving that a lot of thought... the whole … choosing sides things.” He stammered on, talking about sides and choosing them and humans.

Sandalphon was blown away. Did this dork want to be with both Gabriel and Crowley? How dare he think he could get away with that. And in front of their faces! He really wanted to punch him now, so he did. Right in the gut.

Uriel caught Aziraphale by his coat collars as he fell forward, and proceeded to shove him against the window. Aziraphale was appalled, he stuttered and fell over his words as he threatened to go to a higher authority. The people in the shop were a little startled too.

“You think upstairs is gonna take your call?” Uriel smirked in her smug way.

Overhead they could hear trumpets sounding, “Oh, look, it's starting.” She glared down at Aziraphale, “And guess what. You're not invited to the Apocalypse anymore. Don't even show up at the after-party.”

“If you do,” Sandalphon shoved his finger in Aziraphale's chest, “I'm gonna kick your ass.” Then he flipped him off.

And the three were gone in a haze, leaving a very flustered and upset Aziraphale behind.

Joke was on them though, they were the ones not invited to the Apocalypse.

“What do you mean it was a drill!?” An angry sergeant shouted at Gabriel. Millions of angels stood at attention behind them, looking confused and over dressed.

“I mean it was a test!” Gabriel shouted back, “And you're obviously not ready! So we're gonna have to have a seminar explaining what you buffoons did wrong!” He knocked the sergeant's hat off as he proceeded to storm off down the hall.

“Sandalphon!” Gabriel called to the shorter archangel. Sandalphon followed in suit behind him down the pristine hallway, “Get me Aziraphale!”

“Yes, Sir!” Sandalphon was terrified. Gabriel had apparently found out about Crowley while he was down there on Earth. And now he was one very angry fiance, “And what are we going to do with him?”

“Traitors are to be executed!”

Sandalphon sucked air in through his teeth, this wasn't how he wanted the day to go. Surely Gabriel would calm down, just give him until the morning and everything would be alright.

But it wasn't.

Uriel and Sandalphon acquired the help of two lower levels angels to help them secure Aziraphale. It was easier than they had expected. Uriel had insisted on making a silly _Sound of Music_ reference, they practiced in the elevator before they left. She hated the movie, but she felt it was fitting. Seeing as how that was the last movie Aziraphale got to watch. Pity really. It sucks.

She was not going to stay around and see them burn a fellow angel alive though. Sure, she wasn't happy with Aziraphale. He went around on her brother's back, but he didn't deserve to die for it. Exile was befitting

Sandalphon didn't like Aziraphale though, he had no problem watching the angel be executed. Maybe he agreed with Uriel though, and this was a bit far. But he wasn't going to say shit, Gabriel was in a cosmic rage and Sandalphon didn't want to join Aziraphale. And when your brother wanted to hand out divine justice, you just followed along.

Aziraphale wasn't his brother. Not like Gabriel was. They were in separate choirs. Angels in the same choir tended to stick up for their own, and that's why Gabriel made sure no other Principalities heard of the execution. They would be outraged. Aziraphale wasn't beyond his rights to use a demon to accomplish his tasks, so long as knowledge was being spread and blessings were being given. “By any means” they often said.

But as it turned out, Aziraphale didn't need any back up.

“It was for the greater good-” Aziraphale had tried to explain.

“Don't talk to me about the greater good, Sunshine!” Gabriel interrupted, “I'm the archangel-fucking-Gabriel! So!” Gabriel looked towards the flaming pillar, “Shut your stupid mouth and die already!”

Gabriel was hurt. 6000 years right down the fucking drain. Did that time mean nothing to Aziraphale? How long was he playing him? He had so many questions, but he didn't want answers. He wanted to feel better.

Sandalphon was scared shitless. He stood there watching, smiling, as Aziraphale walked into the hellfire. _Keep smiling and he won't throw you in there too._

They waited and waited and waited more. But Aziraphale just stood in the fire, completely fine.

“I think you forgot to turn it on...” Sandalphon whispered. But suddenly Aziraphale shot fire out of his mouth.

_Jesus take the wheel!_

Perhaps this was punishment for going behind all the other angel's backs to execute one they had deemed was a traitor. And now the Almighty was unhappy.

Whatever this was, it was going to be a great story to tell Uriel.

...If he survived that is.

Good thing he did.

“And he just spit out fire!?”

“Yes! I nearly pissed myself!”

Uriel and Sandalphon sat in her paddle boat floating around the lake. Little ducklings followed after the wooden swan.

“Well... shit happens,” Uriel was nursing her fourth bottle of beer and now munching on the bread crumbs she had bought for the ducks, “Is Gabriel still upset?”

“He hasn't come out of his room since. He even discarded his body. I suspect he's gotten a new one by now.” Sandalphon was helping with the beer. They had nearly finished a case.

It wasn't Casual Friday, but they were dressed as if it was. All operations had been put on hold until a time could be set for work seminar. So everyone was on their own little vacation at the moment. Micheal was binge watching Bake Off until Gabriel was done crying in his room and Uriel and Sandalphon were going fishing.

Too bad they forgot fishing poles.

“I can relate though.” Uriel hiccuped.

“To what?” Sandalphon had a duck in his lap.

“Gabriel... I mean if you ever cheated on me, I'd burn you in hellfire too.” Uriel tossed her empty bottle into the air and it dissolved into a dozen locusts.

“Oh, I see.” Sandalphon stared down at the duck for a moment, and then it hit him, “Wait! What?”

“Oh, great!” Crowley sat with Aziraphale under a tree. The two had finally gotten to have their picnic, but now it seemed as if it was going to be spoiled.

“What's wrong, Dear?” Aziraphale cupped a glass of wine between his hands, and looking in the direction Crowley was pointing.

“It's that crazy drunk lady with the swan boat.” Crowley adjusted his glasses, “She sings the American anthem every time she sees me.” Crowley ducked behind Aziraphale, “Shit! I think she saw me!”

“OI! Lincoln!

“Ooooo~ Say can you seeeee!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that one was bit longer, I wanted to pack everything in three chapters and not draw this out too long. Maybe I should turn this into a whole series of stories? I don't know. We'll see how it goes.


End file.
